Apparently you make a good broom.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
