you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize