wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
