My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
