He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
