Do you still have your period?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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