Tell her she can't have a vagina
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
high people should be assigned attendants
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
