if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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