Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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