ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
