i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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