Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
