Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
