Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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