we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
