I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
