Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
