i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
