Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
