I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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