You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
