Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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