Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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