No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize