Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
