Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
