He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
