if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
