i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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