dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
