so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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