I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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