GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
