i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
