I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
