Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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