I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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