I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
