look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize