One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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