i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
