Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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