I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
