Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
