you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
