More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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