of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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