Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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