Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
