i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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