i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
