I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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