Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
