I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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