I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
