there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
