this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
