I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
