Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
