I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
