theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
