PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
