all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
