3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
