A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
